Domestic violence not only affects the abused lives, but it also affects their loved ones lives as well. One example of this is the effects it has on children inside the home. Many people who are in abusive relationships are under the control of their abuser. This means that they cannot act without receiving permission first. In many cases the victim tries to stay on the abusers good side to avoid confrontation in front of their kids. Because of this, it gives the adolescents mixed messages about how to think, behave and act in response to the violence. Many times children are witnessing these events first hand which causes confusion, stress and fear. Witnessing this type of violence can affect a child tremendously during and throughout their life.
When children witness violence within their home, many are traumatized by this event. The sight of violence makes them question their parents or caregivers ability to protect them from harm. Mostly children want to live in a home that violence doesn’t occur. In the article “Behind Closed Doors: The Impact of Domestic Violence” by UNICEF, which is located in the United Kingdom, it is states “Me and my sister are scared,” says one nine-year-old girl who lives in a violent home in the United Kingdom. “Our parents fight a lot and we fear they might split up. They fight when we're upstairs. They don't think we know what's going on, but we do.” Many times when parents are fighting in another room they assume that the children don’t know what’s going on. But unbeknownst to them, they do. They are in the next room listening to every, insult, slap, punch, and cry that is occurring. Children who are exposed to violence are denied their right to be safe and secure inside their home. Another term that is used to describe the children who are subjected to violence within the home is known as “the forgotten victims” of domestic violence. It is recorded that children who are victims of violence in the home are more than likely to be victims of child abuse. And those who are not directly victims suffer from some behavior, emotional and psychological problems (p. 1).
In most cases children know who to be afraid of inside their home. In the article “First Step" by Florida Department of Health Maternal and Child Health Services, it is stated that "They are afraid of the abuser. They must stay on the abuser’s “good side” in order to stay safe. The children may act like the abuser." They will act like the abuser because they are acting out of fear. They will do whatever they have to in order to be safe. This being prevalent, many mental problems such as depression, low self-esteem, fear and anger arise due to the violence that is in the home. Some physical problems such as headaches, tiredness, eating problems, bedwetting, violence against others, or alcohol and drug use can take place also. Boys may hurt their mother and are more than likely to grow up to abuse women as they are older. These victims tend to believe that abuse is normal, men and women are not equal, its ok to abuse someone when you are mad, and the one's you love will hurt you (p. 15-16). These beliefs can be detrimental to a child's ability to develop close relationships with others, behave in society, or even trust their parent or caregiver.
Domestic violence can have numerous effects on children. I cannot stress enough that we need to look at our children’s emotional, psychological, and physical well-being when dealing with domestic violence. These “forgotten victims” lives are impacted severely because of domestic violence. Our society needs to focus a little more on these victims when trying to figure out why they have so many behavioral and psychological problems. Children who witness domestic violence in their families have to deal with this their entire lives. Encouraging the community to get involved and create resources for children to process the abuse will benefit them and may help break the cycle of domestic violence.
1. Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence.p.1
First of all good job on your blog. It is very sad to me to hear things like this, but reality is that it does happen a lot in many households. Some parents do try very hard to avoid confrontation with the abuser because they try to avoid having their children see the abuse. Sad Story, but true.
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