The Cycle of Violence

Domestic violence doesn’t just happen instantly, it happens during an extended period of time. No one is immune from being abused no matter what your race, age, or your social status is.This violence is also known as the cycle of violence. There are three phases to this cycle; Tension Building, Explosion, and the Honeymoon Phase. Many victims go through denial during these phases to hide from the reality of their abuse. When one gets married or enters into a relationship, it is assumed that they are going to be loved, cared for, and protected by their partner. It starts out like a fairy tale and ends up like a horror story.

Within an abusive relationship, the more one stays in that relationship the violence only escalades. According to the Domestic Violence Solutions program in Sana Barbara, they explain  the three stages within the cycle of violence. Tension Building the first phase, is the developing phases that helps facilitates into the physical violence. It is also referred to as the victim “walking on eggshells”. During this period of time, the victim tries to stay of their partner’s way and avoids any arguments. They try to please and keep their abuser calm. The next phase is Explosion which is the actual abuse. This can vary from physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, verbal, financial abuse or spiritual abuse. Physical abuse involves such things as pushing, scratching, punching, choking, or throwing objects at the victim. Emotional abuse is where the abuser may threaten to leave, dismissing one’s feelings, or keeping one from going to work or school. Psychological abuse is when the abuser makes it seem like the victim’s reality aren’t real. Verbal abuse involves yelling, name calling, teasing the victim on something that they are sensitive about or using sarcasm. Financial abuse is taking away the victim’s paycheck, withholding funds, spending all the money before the bills are paid, ruining one’s credit or hiding money. Finally spiritual abuse happens when the abuser restricts the victim from practicing their religion, putting down one’s religion or wearing down one’s self esteem until they have no faith.

Although all the types of abuse are immoral, majority of the times the victims are affected mostly by the emotional and verbal abuse. In the article “First Step” by the Florida Department of Health Maternal and Child Health Services, it is stated that “Many victims tell us that the worst abuse they remember is emotional and verbal. They tell us that this is the kind of abuse that tears apart their heart and soul. It damages their feelings of self-worth. The person who is supposed to love and protect them ends up hurting them.” Overtime victims tend to become numb to the emotional and physical abuse because that is one of the only ways they can deal with it. As stated before, many victims are in denial, blame themselves or justify why their partner abuses them.    

The cycle of violence will reoccur in an abusive relationship until the victim finds a way to get out. This process is never easy, but if it is successful many can go on living their lives free from their abusers. One cannot fully feel safe until they start healing from their fear, anger and pain.

Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence www.fcadv.org

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence www.ncadv.org

Family Violence Prevention Fund www.fvpf.org

U.S. Department of Justice—Violence Against Women Office

www.ojp.usdoj.gov/vawo